


Tell your boyfriend

by AirSteps



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DC Animated Universe, DC Comics, DCU, DCU (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mentioned joker/harley, abuse mention, yeah I wrote a whole fic based on a 3oh!3 song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8050789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirSteps/pseuds/AirSteps
Summary: Whoops, my hand slipped , ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)Based on the 3oh!3 song "DONTTRUSTME"





	Tell your boyfriend

Harley curls one pale hand around her glass, pretending not to notice the redhead who has just walked into the bar. Poison ivy.   
She had someone with her, and Harley deliberately doesn't watch them as Ivy walks to a table on the other side of the room, gesturing for her companion to sit down. 

 

Instead, Harley smiles, turning to face the person next to her.   
"We really outfoxed 'em tonight, didn't we, mister j?" 

"That we did, Harley-poo" the green haired man grins, a look that would be considered menacing- to anyone except Harley.   
He waves over the bartender, gesturing to the pair of empty glasses , and shouts impolitely   
"Another" 

Harley giggles " the look on his face when ya fooled him into thinkin' we were gonna let him go an' then.." She Imitates an explosion, and the bartender swallows nervously. 

 

Harley ignores Ivy, because Ivy had told her, for the hundred and first time, not to go back to the Joker. 

Harley never listens. 

\---------

 

Ivy sweeps her fingers seductively over the table, elegantly picking up the rose her companion has given to her, bringing it to her green-tinted nose, she sniffs, and smiles. (A beautiful rose, with so much potential. Ivy can already see, it is dying) 

He is a property developer, hoping to build more concrete boxes on another naked plot, home to Gotham's many species of plants.   
Not if Ivy has anything to do with it. 

She rests a free hand under her chin, and twirls her hair with a finger, pretending to be interested in his idiotic wittering. Soon she would have him. 

Ha! 

If only she didn't have to keep calm, Ivy would give him something to talk _about_

\---------

An announcement comes over from the corner - someone has brought out the karaoke machine. 

"Ooh, I love karaoke!" Harley claps her hands like a kid, running over to the little stage.   
She sings, and she dances, bubbling over with girlish happiness, her pigtails looking out of place with the black dress and tights she wore especially for the occasion.   
Every inch the actress, She doesn't look like a criminal. 

It's not often the Joker takes her out to celebrate.   
It's more often he takes her out of consciousness. 

\---------

Ivy leans over the table, Now's the time to seal the deal. Kiss him, and she can get him to do whatever she wants him to.   
No more dying flora. 

She doesn't want to kiss him any more than she wants to kiss an eel, but oh, it would be worth it.   
For the plants. 

She closes her eyes. 

Not for long. 

She knows that voice, and is distracted, pulling back.   
She doesn't think about her confused "date", who says something she doesn't hear. 

Harley finishes her bit, bowing and thanking her applauding, drunk audience. 

"Sorry" Ivy apologies to her oblivious property developer, as she looks away from the tiny blonde, who runs headlong into the arms of her captor. She has the stage set list in her hand, and it becomes covered in red and purple make up , spread from the kisses on her and the jokers skin. 

Ivy shivers. 

Humans. All so oblivious, _so stupid_ Who'd love them.   
(That's Ivy's last thought as she leans in to kiss her unwitting victim)

\-------- 

Harley is back at the bar, chatting away in her usual manner.   
The joker has managed to ward of any more of her embrace, he is looking for something, he misses half of what Harley says. He doesn't care. 

"Harley"   
He interrupts her, sternly 

"Yes, puddin,?" She answers softly, her eyes wide and loving 

"You did bring the other bag, didn't you?" 

Harley looks startled, other bag? What did he mean? She didn't remember another bag?   
She swallows, searching her head for an answer. 

"H a **RLEY** "   
The joker stands, tall, white, and angry. He spills a drink as he goes, its contents running over the side of the bar onto the carpet.   
Harley shudders. The drink is red. 

"I swear, I'm sorry, mr j, I didn't see another bag, I didn't know I..." 

The joker punches her, in the stomach, again in the face, and Harley crumples on the floor. 

"Stupid, stupid" she hears the Joker , as he kicks her. 

She tries not to cry. It was her fault, after all. 

\-------

"So, don't you think it would be better for all of us, if you didn't sign the contract?" 

"Yes, miss Isley" 

"And you ring your supervisor, tell them the deal is off?" 

"Yes miss Isley" 

"And you'll make sure that--"

Ivy is caught mid sentence, a crashing noise.   
Probably just a bar fight. 

"That" 

And yet...   
"Excuse me" 

Pamela smiles disarmingly, and gets up. She leave her poor dazed companion swooning and blank. Everyone assumes he's drunk.   
In a way, he is. 

\------------

Joker looks down at Harley, who is silently begging him to stop.   
The hands of a bar security guard grasp him, but when he turns round and shows his face, the hands swiftly retreat. No one can touch him, and he likes it that way. 

He throws a bottle at Harley, and the glass smashes against the table. 

Harley's bruise collection grows. Her dress is black and red; the colours of a court jester.   
She is destined to be laughed at. 

Joker laughs, he's untouchable.   
Harley is just another girl, no one here is brave enough or cares enough to stop him. He laughs, and laughs, until he can't laugh anymore.   
\------------

He doesn't see Ivy coming. He doesn't hear as she fires green shoots from her angry hands,   
Doesn't know what hit him as the plant wraps around his throat, tighter, tighter, until he's spluttering for breath, his arms flailing in the air.   
She doesn't knock him out, Harley wouldn't want her to. 

They have attracted a small audience, someone tries phoning the police, but ivy whips the phone away with her leafy grasp. 

Harley tries to get up, her voice is cracked , she still tries to make a joke of it. She tries to convince herself, It's not her fault, is it?   
"Ivy?" Shes not sure what she wants to say, and ivy almost goes straight to her.   
But She has something to deal with first. 

She looks at Harley, and with a fierce bend of the jokers arm she hisses   
"Tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef, that I'm a vegetarian and i aint fucking scared of him. And I'll turn his bovine-based brain into mulch" 

She says it to his face, smiling, brings him down, manages to hold him, by sheer anger alone. 

He cackles nastily   
"She'll never leave me. You see how she is, she'll be back" 

Ivy doesn't let him threaten her,   
Instead she smirks, stamping a foot down on the purple suited clown, and purple faced too now, a combination of smeared make-up and lack of breath.   
She traces her lips across his ear, and whispers lightly, "I'll kill you, one day" 

She eventually lets go of his arm, takes her foot off him, leaving him wrapped in vines on the floor.   
Teach him not to laugh at someone else's expense. 

She knows it won't, but it's nice to think it. 

A girl cheers, one who is so tired of seeing women ,   
seeing anyone, treated this way. 

"Move along, nothing to see here" a thick-necked bouncer ushers the girl, and the rest of the small crowd, away. Later he will ring someone, or signal for batman to come and take joker away, but not until Harley and Ivy are out of the picture.   
He never liked that creep in his bar, anyway. 

Ivy goes to Harley, cradles her softly, gently, a world away from her fierceness just a moment before. 

"Hey, sweet pea" she murmurs quietly.  
The little red and black human sobs into Ivy's green skin, and ivy rocks her until she can speak again. 

\-----------

"Ya didn't hurt him, did ya red?" 

Ivy sighed. She didn't answer. 

They were in a different corner of the bar now, sitting on the plush sofas. Ivy had helped her over there, Harley wasn't quite up to walking anywhere else just yet. 

"It was my fault, I missed somethin' on our last heist , I....." 

"Hush, my darling" Ivy put a finger to her lips.   
"Nothing you could have done deserved what he did to you" 

Harley nods, reluctantly.   
The worst part is, she already knows.   
"I'm sorry, red, I shoulda listened to ya, I shoulda clocked"   
The jester hung her head. 

"There, baby. You're okay now, you've always got me" 

"I don't deserve you" Harley whispers, nestled into Ivy's shoulder. She feels small, but in a nice way. 

\------- 

The Joker comes round, after a while, and Ivy takes Harley's hand and leads her away.   
The Joker is packed off to Arkham, and Harley's bruises fade away, each one replaced with a petal laced poison ivy kiss. 

Ivy doesn't know how long it will last,   
But for now, they're okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This wouldn't go away so I wrote it, I'm sorry omg. 
> 
> Please comment or smth I will love you forever


End file.
